Bit Confession

I am sorry for being imperfect - as a girl. I’m sorry for not being fashionable and do not even care about my makeup and my -not-so-sexy-body, because I’d rather spend my time more on study and socialize, than to shop and mix-match outwear, put 3 layers of makeup just to make me look “natural”. For me, natural means inner beauty, the kindness, humble, patience, and dedication. Because I can not stand standing in front of my mirror more than an hour. It’s me and my flaws, and I am sorry.

I am sorry for not being there with you all the time, or keep you accompanied everywhere you go. For having my own schedule and being busy, just as you do. I want to create, inspire, and do something too. Something great, something helpful. I want to push myself to the highest limit - usually before my body stumbles and I eventually get sick. That’s the only moment I realize that I, too, need a rest once in a while. I’m sorry I can not spend my whole day with you, because I certainly need a space. I need to be in my own and do my stuffs. And I fully understand that you need some time alone, too. So I’m sorry, because some times we might be apart, but never in our heart. Being together doesn’t mean I have to drawn myself on your life or you have to drawn in my life. Being together means we have our own business yet we make time to spend some time with each other.

I am sorry for being unable to cook. No, it’s actually not “unable”, I just think that cooking can be tiring and there are so much things to do. And that’s kinda not my thing. I like something simple and not procedural. I can’t make you lasagna or the most delicious turkey you’ve ever eaten. Maybe some kind of pasta and fries, but that’s it. I’m sorry you can’t tell your co-workers that you miss my homecook. But I wish that you could tell them how you miss our-eating-together-time. I love food. It’s my second love after you. And being able to eat together with you means that I can be with 2 of the love of my life, at the same time. So instead of being in the kitchen and cooking while you’re watching the TV, I’ll be searching for new menu and restaurant in the town. I’m sorry I’m not the best cook, but I promise I’ll learn through time. But, would you wait for me?

I’m sorry for not serving you like the other girls do. Please do acknowledge that we’re equal and that there has never been any law states that a girl has to serve his man. But I do want to serve you, to show you that I love you and that your happiness is above mine. That I know you can do some of your jobs alone, but I prefer to help you with that. It is my choice and you don’t have the right to be angry if, say, I’m very tired and I forgot to clean your shoes. We are couples, and the things we want to do to each other, has to be nothing to do with obligation nor duty. Do it because you want to (or because I tell you to..HAHAHA just kidding!). I’m sorry for thinking this way. I hope you understand.

I’m sorry I don’t need to be spoiled or pampered. You don’t have to buy me roses and jewellries in special occasion. You don’t have to pick me up or drive me to anywhere I’d go. I can do it on my own. I’m sorry if it makes you a little bit unneeded, but I do need you. Not to be my driver, lifter, or anything else. But to be my partner in life. And so if I could do it by myself, I will more likely not ask for your help. But in case you feel like you want to, then I will permit you. It’s that simple. The way you treat me shows me the way you love me. You’ll figure that out ;)

I am sorry for being gross. For choosing to take a nap after rough day than to clean up my room. I’m sorry I can not pick the wet hair in bathroom floor because I have bit phobia of it. I’m sorry if sometimes I don’t take a bath for whole one day - or two. I dont have any defense, it’s just some things I can not explain. I’m sorry for having a messy room. But trust me, I know where everything is put. From bobby pins to last-month-restaurant-receipt, just ask me and I’d point out where that would be. Messy room keeps my head sane. Funny huh? There are something about scattered papers, bottles, and stuffs that make me focus. I don’t know what.

I’m sorry for not being the best girl you could get. In some parts of your life you’re gonna regret the fact that you chose me, but I bet most of the times you won’t. :”)